Romance fraud is one of the most misunderstood and stigmatised crimes in modern society. Those who have never experienced it often make snap judgments, dismissing victims as naive, foolish, or even complicit. But this perception couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is that romance fraud is an intensely manipulative crime, deeply rooted in psychological abuse, and it follows the same patterns of coercion and control seen in domestic abuse.

What Is Romance Fraud?

At its core, romance fraud is a crime where a perpetrator builds an emotional connection with a victim to manipulate and exploit them. The most common motive is financial gain, but romance fraud is not solely about money, it can also be about power, control, and even sadistic pleasure. Perpetrators craft a fake reality, often compared to an immersive theatre performance, where victims become deeply invested in a relationship that has been crafter just for them.

What Romance Fraud Isn’t

Romance fraud is not simply about someone willingly sending money to a stranger. It is not a “mistake” made by foolish people. Victims do not “fall for it” because they are careless. Instead, they are methodically groomed and manipulated using psychological tactics that have been studied extensively in coercive control and domestic abuse cases.

Why Society Views It So Harshly

The biggest barrier to understanding romance fraud is a lack of education on psychological manipulation. Society often sees fraud in black and white, if you were tricked, it’s because you were reckless or greedy. But when a victim of domestic abuse stays with their abuser due to coercion, society is beginning to recognise the underlying control mechanisms at play. Romance fraud is no different, it is coercive control, often without the physical presence of the abuser.

Scammers use tactics identical to domestic abusers:

• Grooming (finding out information and setting the scene with expectations)
• Love bombing (overwhelming affection to create dependency)
• Isolation (separating victims from their support system)
• Trauma Bonding (intermittent reinforcement and creating fear of loss and through difficult times)
• Gaslighting (making victims doubt their reality)
• Threats & Guilt- Coercive and Controlling (pressuring victims into compliance)

Yet, society fails to apply the same empathy and understanding to victims of romance fraud. Instead, victims are blamed, laughed at, or shamed into silence. This must change.

Beyond Financial Exploitation: The Other Side of Romance Fraud

While financial fraud is the most well-known form, romance fraud can also be about power and control. Some perpetrators never ask for money, they manipulate victims for emotional validation, personal favours, or even to act as unknowing accomplices in criminal activity. Others exploit victims in in-person relationships, proving that romance fraud is not limited to the digital world. We have also seen cases where the relationship is created for the purpose of gaining visas-in these cases, children are also sometimes born for the security of using this to remain.

The Most Powerful Support Comes From Those Who Understand

No one understands the impact of romance fraud better than those who have survived it. Victims turned advocates and experts provide the most effective and compassionate support because they truly know the depth of the trauma. They recognise the psychological chains that kept them trapped and the complex recovery journey ahead.

Organisations built by victims are changing the narrative, demanding justice, and fighting for better education, legal action, and victim support. Survivors are not weak, they are warriors who have endured one of the most sophisticated and devastating forms of psychological abuse.

Remember this..

Romance fraud is a crime of manipulation and coercion, not gullibility. It is a form of psychological abuse, not just financial fraud. Until society fully acknowledges the depth of its impact, victims will continue to suffer in silence. By listening to survivors, educating the public, and fighting the stigma, we can finally shift the conversation from blame to understanding, and from shame to support.